So I know that I had hoped to post more often after getting off of Facebook, but I have to admit, I haven't wanted to get on my computer much since then. It's been nice to go home and work on projects, have a nice dinner and go to bed without worrying about what is happening in cyberspace. lol The downside of course is that most people update their lives in cyberspace and not through phone calls and letters anymore. I do miss hearing about how everyone is doing, but I also love the down to earth feelings I have coming and going without it. It's a mixed bag!
I don't think I regret it though. I've learned so much about myself this way. I love myself SO much more than I did a few years ago. I KNOW myself so much better too. I believe everyone has something they have to let go of or give up in order to find good things in themselves. For me it was letting go of things that I was holding onto that didn't help me see myself clearly.
The last year has been so interesting. I can't remember when I first started changing my perspective, it has been so gradual. Maybe it was when I let myself start trying things that I always wanted to try, but for one reason or another I never had. Maybe it was when I was convinced by my super awesome sister to try something that I never wanted to try because it seemed hard, but in the end felt excitement in the success of a hard job well done!
This is all a little cryptic I guess, but what I am trying to say is that by forcing myself to break old patterns and try new things, it has opened a door into seeing myself and others differently.
I painted kitchen cupboards with my sister and learned what 'not' to do! In the process I forgot to care about what people thought of me when I went out to the store in my paint clothes, with no makeup and messy hair, to buy something I forgot. I made something beautiful while learning to let go of my self consciousness.
Driven by my sisters determination I helped her build our kitchen table. We did a lot of research - my sister did an amazing amount of planning - and overcame the doubt of the local wood critics that we could succeed. I learned that you can accomplish great things with research, well made plans, a good deal of stubbornness, and the willingness to work hard.
Then because of mold we found in a closet I had to work through some emotional troubles and fears that I am still working on, but doing much better with. I dealt with mold, health issues, and fear, but learned that I can work through hard things, that research is better than panic, and that words of encouragement from family and friends go a long way in helping someone.
I'm still learning, I'm still working on things, but I wanted to post an update. I guess just to say that I do care about letting people know how I am doing, and I care about how they are doing too.